Morning, Brides!
Today's question comes from Eliesa Prettelt of West Palm Beach, a gorgeous 37-year-old wife and mom. Hit it, girl!
Q: When we got married almost ten years ago, we went to the corner (literally, the corner where we lived at the time had the courthouse in it!) and in the presence of just my 2 sisters and his mom, we tied the knot. Now, ten years later, we are considering a re-do of our vows. Wondering what you think of having a ceremony at this point? Do we throw ourselves the celebration we never had, or would that be tacky? And if we do, do I get to wear a wedding dress? (it would sure beat the t-shirt and black slacks I wore ten years ago!)
A: The short answer to your questions are: Hell, yeah, do what you want! But to elaborate, I'll introduce you to the patron saint of our site, our late grandmother Arnell Evora Evans Streeter. Grandma was a strong-willed, vocally talented, culinary skilled-blessed lady who was also fashion forward (I own a mini dress of hers from the 60s, when she was in her 50s, and I can't wear it. She was fierce, y'all).
She had all that fashion sense, but had never gotten to brave the ultimate catwalk - the bridal aisle. When they got hitched in 1939, they had both been married before, and they just, you know, got married. But as their 50th anniversary approached in 1989, and their kids and grandkids started planning a grand celebration, Grandma announced that she was having a wedding. A big one. With a long white dress (and jaunty '80s hat and cleavage), bridesmaids (my aunts and mother) and flower girls (her 18-year-old granddaughters, namely us, and our 17-year-old cousin). And a honeymoon cruise.
As you might imagine, this did not initially fly with certain members of my family, who tried to talk Grandma out of it (Not us -Lynne and I knew better than to fight with that woman. It never, ever ended well). People told her that maybe she was too...umm...mature to wear white and have attendants and a big churchy thing. Perhaps she might reconsider?
Ha ha.
"When you are married for 50 years," she said, "you can do what you want."
And that, my friends, was that. She got everything she wanted - the dress, the hat, the attendants, the whole shebang, which was turned into a huge family reunion. Could it have all been kinda tacky? Of course it could have. The point was is that Grandma felt she'd raised a family, done her job and had an obviously long marriage. Sister had earned that wedding, and she had it. And it didn't hurt that at 75, she looked like she was in her late 50s, and that she looked drop dead diva in that dress, which she left to me (I didn't get to wear it but I carried her money bag).
The purpose of this long story is to say this, Eliesa - You are probably a different person than you were ten years ago. You probably have different tastes and priorities. You don't have to try to recreate what you would have done in your 20s if you'd actually had a wedding then - what "big ceremony" means to you is probably different now, so if you decide to have one, it should reflect what that means to you now. And that doesn't have to mean "demure" or whatever. Girl, you can have bridal Mardi Gras with clowns and a French guy that paints guests pictures as they do the Electric Slide.
Do what feels right, dignified (or not, if that's what you're going for) and reflective of what your marriage has meant to you, and what you want to say about that in that ceremony. Maybe include your family, or old pictures, or old music. The important thing to keep in mind is what you want to say: Is this the wedding you never had, or a commemoration of your marriage, or both? You can do both, honestly. Just make it organic to who you are now and how fabulous and awesome you want to feel.
And while it's nice to have advice (my wedding planner/bridesmaid Kiki talked me out of the eleventy-three musical performances I wanted for my reception that were threatening to turn it into a geriatric episode of "The Kids From Fame"), never forget whose wedding this is. Yours. Do you. And keep us posted.
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